Keeping in mind that the above picture pretty much sums up my life:
which I realize is slightly scary looking
Yes, that IS the question today: to baby or not to baby?
The last few months have been transition time for me,
emotionally, spiritually, physically.
I have been far happier than I have been in years (although I still have
those rough days)... My relationship with God has be completely AMAZING...
we are like BFFs fo sho... and this couldn't make me happier.
I'm like Wesley on a roller coaster, eating cotton candy...with Lucy (that's his little girlfriend). ;)
And to top it all off, I completely have no energy since I quit working out
and start eating crap.
Haha.... I had you going there, didn't I? With how great I was doing!?
HOWEVER, this brings me to this point of the title of my post!
Man, the baby itch has been scratching me A LOT lately!
And I love the "raised eyebrows" or unsolicited advice of "Just Say No" I get when
I mention it to a family member, or a friend that only has one or two kids.
So when they come over, it must feel to them like my home is a ticking time bomb.
I don't even know what it's like to have
ONE well behaved 6 year old, or 8 year old, or 10 year old.
Never happened to me.
To me, having kids flying over the tops of sofas at full speed, being chased by a dog,
landing upside down, one crying, one laughing one, one singing...
is normal.
It's my life. It may completely overwhelm me at times,
but I swear, it's what I do best.
You know the scripture that says:
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
He shall not be put to shame when
he speaks with the enemies in the gate! (Psalm 127: 4-5)
Well, my quiver is full sista friend...I mean, almost. Some peoples quiver is full with
one, some people two, some people eight... 3 is good for me... or is it 4? ;)
But, I love that it says he shall NOT be put to shame. What is so shameful about having
a house full of children? NOTHING! So stop raising your eyebrows at me =P
(For the record, I hate when people make fun of people who love kids.
Even if they have 8 or 10 kids...
If God gives them the grace to do it, by all means, go for it!)
I have a friend or sister come over, alone, or bringing their one child,
and I sit down to have a good chat,
and I swear to you on my life, I get up about 17 times an hour to fix something, get
something, do something....My catch phrase is "Hold on a sec."
How on earth I have time to sit down and type on this blog every few days,
I will never figure out. It must be the grace of God.
But after being pregnant 5 times,
burying one at midterm , miscarrying the 2nd early on...
having 3 c-sections (one after 36 hours of unsuccessful labor, 2 scheduled),
4 pregnancies with full blown morning sickness,
taking progesterone supplements during the 1st trimester with the 3 crazies that are
running around my house screaming "I'm so bored" at this very moment...
just so I could hang on to the their pregnancies,
horrid face, chest & back acne, AND pre-eclampsia with 2 of the kids...
gaining 70 lbs, 65lbs and 57 lbs (but hey, at least the poundage went down with each kid!)
I wouldn't exactly say I am the glowing pregnant woman turned soccer mom.
But I am the mom that cherishes these little lives more than anything on earth.
With their toothless smiles, and loud screechy screams, their tantrums and
tears over the sight of "blood" which is really just a centimeter sized scratch!
I cherish this noise, the craziness. And I laugh in the face of the raised eyebrows...
Because I lost 2 babies
and if I want to have 17 kids, by golly, I will!
(Ok, I actually wouldn't, and can't because of the c-sections..
I can really only have 1 more...because of weak muscles, apparently! But c'mon people,
don't look at me like I am octomom when I mention having another baby.
I have 3. Not a football team!
Side note: um, did my rant just make me say by golly?! eeeeesh...
One of my favorite quotes is from Friends, where Phoebe is pregnant and she is so sick
of being pregnant and Joey says "But Phoebes, you have that cool
pregnant lady glow." And she goes, "Ugh, you throw up all morning and you
will have that glow too!" Ahhh, yes... the miracle of life, my friends.
But when I wake up in the morning (like I did this morning) and I tell my little blonde haired,
blue eyed native baby "You're gorgeous." She says "No, I'm not."
I say, "Yes, you are." She says "Where?" I point to her eyes, nose and little pink
lips and say "Here, here and here..."
These are the conversations I don't want to lose. These are the conversations
I want to keep having over and over..
Or when (again today) my son tells me with tears in his eyes,
"Sometimes I cry a little because Jesus is so nice to us."
NOTHING.. and I mean NOTHING makes me happier!
I never want to lose those moments. I realize I can't keep going...and going...and going...
every time one of my kids grow up a little..
But is it really going be that much harder to have ONE MORE???!
THAT IS MY QUESTION!
Is it really going to be that much more noise than it already is?
Or, I ask you, is it going to be THAT much more blessing?
We took the kids to the park today and Leila (my youngest) is now 3 1/2 and she is
at that age where I don't have to follow her around and watch her non-stop.
Although it's noisy in the house, (and in the car)
let's face it, its like a circus everywhere we go
It's really nice not having to worry if she will fall of the slide or something.
Life has been busy, and it's slowing down in one sense (however I realize
every stage of raising children has its challenges)...
So do I really want to start over with the baby stage again?
I do and I dont...
I want to relive it all again REALLY BAD,
but I am enjoying my "freedom."
Haha, it's funny that I say that, because I actually am insanely busy...
but I mean, I am not having to 24/7 monitor what they will pick up and put in their mouth..
~~that type of thing.
I'm 36...the clock is ticking, my friends. If I am going to do this,
it better happen quick. I'm not doing this past 38.
My life is transitioning. I am moving on from my past.
Moving on to making use of what God has placed in me, being ME more again...
and I like being ME.
I love being Mom, Mommy, M.O.M. Madre'... all great names the kids call me, of course,
This is a situation that only the wisdom of God can help me in.
You would think Jeff would have a say in this. But he seems content either way.
It's kinda up to me. Not that he minds "practicing", as he calls it.
Typical Man=) But really, it's sort of between Me and God, this decision.
Only God knows me better than I know myself, knows what I desire in life,
where I am emotionally & physically, what I can handle...
I guess, if you come find me in two years, you'll find out the answer to this question.