Friday, March 2, 2012

mommy blues

here is little leila when we first got in her room. she was feeling all special.
I think that one of the hardest things for a woman is to watch her child face pain.
~whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...whatever... not knowing exactly what we can do about it. Much of the time there is nothing that can be done (aside from the obvious, which is pray and ask God for wisdom of what to do).  I've struggled with my son for so long with what I thought were extreme cases of temper tantrums. Between the embarrassment of him doing it in public, the stress of him doing it at home, the frustration of him doing it in front of his class, teachers~
and simply not knowing what to do about it. It gets overwhelming to the point of tears.
Because he is not disrespectful for the most part, he is very kind hearted, he is very very smart in school...he just gets overwhelmed with emotion when something doesn't go his way, and he fixates on that. Things like that are hard on a mother, a parent...
What can I do? Can I do anything? Is this a behavioral issue? Or is there something else going on here? I always feel like people are judging me as a parent because of this issue, 
wanting to give me advice...or maybe just looks...
Yet, I am approaching this the best I can with everyone involved... teachers, doctors, family members, my husband... but mainly with Wesley.
Because I have to realize this is affecting him most of all. It's not about what we think about his "behavior." It's about helping him steer his life, his personality, his talents & his struggles in the right way so that he can learn to live a happy life.

Then comes the teeth issue. All three of my kids have had horrible teeth. And the guilt by far on this issue has overwhelmed me, because I allowed them to drink juice and eat cookies.  Yet, after it happened to Jada & Wes, we determined, Leila's teeth were NOT going to go bad.  We started brushing right away, yet her teeth crumbled into nothing, worse than the other kids. The end result being surgery on her mouth =(
The doctor assured us, "It's not your fault. I have had 5 patients this week come in with the same problem. Parents literally watch their children's teeth crumble before their eyes."
It's just so hard to believe at times though.  I know that all we can do is learn as we go. 
We have to learn what works and what doesn't work, 
and adjust our parenting skills accordingly.
This is my first time being a parent with 3 kids at exactly these ages...
with these specific personalities.. so I learn as I go.
I can't blame myself, (especially when the doctors say its not your fault) and I am in no way feeling sorry for myself in this... This is about my KIDS. It's my child I want to help, my child I want to comfort, my child I want to say "I'm so sorry for this."  
And it is hard when you see your child struggling with other kids and teachers, or being wheeled away on a hospital bed for something you think maybe you could have controlled, but arent really sure. 
I'm really just thinking out loud here.
Leila had her procedure on her teeth done today. She is only 3. She had 4 teeth pulled, 4 teeth crowned and a few fillings. It took over 4 hours before they brought her back.  It breaks my heart even typing this. All I wanted to do is kiss her and snuggle her before they took her away....but she came back fine. . Praise Jesus!
a little zoned out, then got crabby, then went straight zombie on us. .  but she is okay. 
She is healthy and running and laughing.
I am thankful to my God for his PEACE in those moments where I could have completely lost it. I got teary eyed today, yes... but I had an overwhelming peace compared to the last few months of anticipating this day. SO thank YOU, to all of you who prayed.  
It made a HUGE difference.

Leila was having a grand ole time pushing buttons on the control. She went button happy & called a nurse even!
After all the fun button pushing wore off, she start getting restless & wanting to go home. And BEGGING for food & a cup. Poor Lallies... Daddy gave her some snuggles.

As Leila was wheeled in back to us, she was calm...but confused and looked like she wanted to cry.

After a few minutes, she started getting pretty upset about the IV in her arm because she kept saying it was hurting her.

The anger wore off, and she turned straight zombie on us for a little while. We couldn't get her to even blink.

At the end of a long day, Leila falls asleep next to me on an old dumpy office chair as I write out this blog =)


Megan said...

so happy to hear everything went well! :)

ginanorma said...

PTL that all went well and she is OK and done! Thanks for sharing the news Julie, boy oh boy look at THAT sweet FACE OF HERS! I dig her, aw, poor little thing--I hope she is on the up and up very soon. Will she have like pain meds or anything while she recovers? I would imagine how uncomfortable she'll be for a while....XO

ginanorma said...

Oh and do they say what this is caused from? How HARD. We all have our sufferings, and I know as you seek God as you do, that is evident hon, He will keep giving you new insight and perspectives and PEACE. You will be able to find beauty even out of something like this. Satan just tries to keep stealing and stealing from us, but we have to fight back!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow.. this seems so difficult. On both her and you. I prayed and prayed. Glad it went well!

Emily said...

So glad everything went well :) Sweet little girl will not even remember it, except by looking at the pictures mommy took. You are a good, kind, loving parent. You do the best for each of your kids and it's clear they are lucky to have you!

Jenna@The Life of the Wife said...

I'm sooooo glad everything went well. I've been perusing your blog for a while and I'm just in love with you already! You are such a good mommy..I'm so happy your family is getting through all this!

Much love,

Little Mamanista said...

She is such a cutie! So glad everything went well-!!! Such a good mommy!

Jes said...

i am so glad that everything well smoothly!
i loved reading this post.

Aida said...

thanks God all is right now!

wish you the best!

Katie said...

I am so glad everything went well. I was thinking about you guys! I really like what you said about the tantrums. I feel the same way. It really is hardest on the kids.

Lauren said...

I am SOOO happy that things went well. I had you on my mind that day. As parents, it is natural to feel like it might be our fault since we are the ones in charge of these small lives. But sometimes, it isn't our fault & we have to be strong for them. You seem like you are doing an amazing job. Thanking God that Little Leila is happy and healthy today :)

Lauren Rebecca

Nikskie said...

you are a great mother and a strong person. wish you and your family all the best

Cassidy said...

oh wow I thought I could complain about my 7yr old having 4 cavities and one pulled tooth! That would be tough going through all of that and than some with a toddler! Your daughter is a cutie! Love your blog and you have some pretty amazing pictures! Now following :)

Nicole said...

being a mom is definitely the hardest and most rewarding thing i have ever experienced in my life. there is nothing harder than seeing your child in pain. i think you are doing a great job as a mother :)

Sam said...

Your such a strong and beautiful woman!! God bless you and yours :)


Becky Borgman said...

I am not a mother yet, but I can only imagine what it would feel like to watch your child go through this. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom like you! I am so happy she is home and everything went well!

stephanie said...

precious girl! there is nothing worse then seeing them in pain : ( and i had no idea you had kind of a scary birth with Wes!!! so thankful God was protecting us and our babes : )

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

This was the most adorable read. Girl I salute you. I have one and he drives me over the edge. I always say it takes a wonderful heart to take care of children especially more than one. I try my best but somedays you just want to close the door but then you realize your life would be so boring without them. Big hugs!

JRuud said...

She has got to be the cutest little girl ever. Aw, and that sad face, broke my heart!!! I cannot wait to be a mom one day, but I know there will be a lot of struggles along the way.

I love your blog.

Allie Ruth Morris said...

What an adorable little one!
Those tears are heartbreaking but I'm glad she's ok!

Allie Ruth Morris

Emily said...

Hey girl. Where you been?!?! Hope all is well. Also, tried to click your twitter button and it's just a link to but not to your page. Just stopping in to say hi.

(and I realized we should button swap!)

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