Wednesday, October 15, 2014

{i'm a quitter}

I'm a quitter. I mean, I'm an almost quitter. I'm a "but I have good intentions." So that's ok, right?
I have shiny ideas and big dreams. I have vision. Vision that sometimes seem more than I can handle.So instead of trying to handle it,  I throw in the towel. For like a day. I get overwhelmed and I quit everything. You name it, I quit it. Extra curricular activity, social media, writing, church...out the window it goes! In my head anyways.

Anytime life seems to shift and change a little too uncomfortably for my liking, I put the kabosh on everything I had been working towards or dreaming about. It suddenly feels too overwhelming. I suddenly feel too under-qualified. That's it. I've had it. I quit. 

Anytime my feelings get remotely hurt or people come off sounding snarky at me, I throw my hands up in the air and I surrender everything I wanted to be to their snarky comment. I roll my eyes with a heavy sigh and a "Whatever!" and I place my destiny in their lap. And they don't even know it.

When life feels less than graceful and filled with rhythms of chaos, shouting my inability to gather my thoughts and structure well...pretty much anything.... it overtakes me and everything I am working so hard for, I tell myself "You know what? No one will notice if you quit." So do it. Just quit. Sit quietly. Cower a little. You've got plenty of purpose and meaning right in your house. 4 kids is more than you can handle anyways. Your plate is full. So just quit. C'mon. Everyone else is doing it.

And suddenly I remember it's not about me.
And suddenly I remember, it's not even supposed to be me going at this thing alone.
It's not about my hurt feelings or lack or qualifications. It's not about my ability to carry out this vision with complete and total dignity and  graceful beauty.

It's about HIM. 
And it's about looking at who I am and seeing someone else. 
Seeing Jesus. 

Lately every time I feel like throwing in the towel because I just don't have what it takes, He reminds me "It's not by your might. It's not by your power. It's by my Spirit anyways. Together, we've got this, girl. Of course YOU can't do this. You weren't supposed to do this. You are supposed to be willing to let me do it through you.

And I breathe. Ok, Lord. I take two steps forward.

I think about all the people I have come across or read about these past few years who "almost quit" because life got hard. People that have spoken volumes into my life and thousands others. And I wonder "What if they would have quit like they were tempted to do? What if they threw in the towel when they felt broken or depressed or overwhelmed?" I might not be where I am today. I may not have the drive in me to keep going.

But I am where I am because they didn't quit. And it reminds me~Neither should you.

Don't do it.
God needs to use your mouth. People need you to speak into their lives. Whether you think it or not.
You are where you are because YOU are needed. You are valued by people and you are honored by God.

So I am asking you, whoever you are, please DON'T QUIT. 
Whatever it is God has you doing. Whatever he is asking of you...
Don't throw in the towel. 
Life may seem bigger than you can handle right now. But HE needs you to rely on HIS strength so HE can become big and strong through you. So He can climb into your hands and your feet and speak through your mouth. HE needs you to stop believing the lies that no one will notice.
Because someone out there will notice. He needs you to stop relying on yourself so much...
IT's all him, Girl. Just let him get this one. 

Sit tight. Be Open. And enjoy the ride.


Becki Campbell said...

Oh my! The Holy Spirit lead me to this post! I have been thinking of quitting my tiny little blog- struggling with why I should continue. I want to thank you so much for your sweet kind words- that were evidently from the Lord.

Anonymous said...

You always inspire me, Julie, to remember the Lord and know that this life, this time we have got, it's all for Him.

But this post was so different, because I feel like quitting life so often. And this was a reminder of why I should fight harder and stick around.
PS: I LOVE your blog layout.

Lucy McCracken said...

I always enjoy reading your posts. you are so TALENTED. I can totally relate to this post. I have tried to quit on hope so many times in my life, but then Jesus is there holding me up no matter what. Great post!

Designed with ♥ by Nudge Media Design