Showing posts with label value and worth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label value and worth. Show all posts

Monday, May 16, 2016

Being Known Vs Being Loved

We have the same discussion over and over again. My son and I. He's a gamer. He's a youtuber.
That's a thing now. Being a youtuber. I used to be a youtuber several years ago. After a few random and brief episodes, I saw no future in it for myself. But it's hard to explain to an adolescent boy the concept of hard work and sometimes the stroke of luck. Because he doesn't just admire youtubers. Nor does he just intermittently create videos. He has a goal in mind. His goal: being famous. Eventually he wants a full time job of youtubing. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Oddly, people make a living off it. And I'm not saying he lacks the skills. He's pretty bright when it comes to this big world of technology we live in. But I don't want him basing his self worth on how many people are subscribed to his channel. Because there have been tears over this. 
He says, "I'm never going to be famous" with that look of defeat on his face.

Most of us have had our "I'm never going to be famous" moment of defeat, in our own way...
As immature as it may sound, (because we all know better), it's all to familiar in our current world. 

When I was a kid, you measured your self worth based on how popular were in school. Lucky for me, I could have cared less. I'm a quiet, keep to myself, kind of person to this day. I don't think it was until I reached the thick of adulthood that I even cared for the approval of others. And it wasn't until the invention of social media that I saw the desperate and silent cry of way too many adults needing to be known. And that look of failure when not everyone on myspace liked your music. 
Suddenly self worth went beyond the high school walls and reached out to win the admiration of not just our peers, but of the entire world . So crazy. But we remain hopeful.

Last fall, I attended the Influence Conference. The final 'big' one. I had to go. I had gone to the first one and I just really wanted to be a part of the final one. I went knowing just a handful of people via social media and blogging and just a handful of people knew me or had even heard 'of' me via social media. I'm going to be honest, It's not the best feeling going somewhere where you don't really know anyone and the people you do know are known by so many others- If that makes sense. But I like to challenge myself occasionally and like every other person who has had a first time for anything, you work your way through the uncomfortable feeling to put yourself out there. And I did the best I could.

I remember leaving the conference and writing up an Instagram post, saying something to this nature: "I didn't know a lot of people. Not alot of people knew me. But everyone I met was friendly and showed me kindness. One thing it taught me was that being known is not the same thing as being loved." 
And I didn't think too much over it until recently

Because I'm an overgrammer. I insta my kids, my days, my location... sometimes a lot. And I like to use a few hashtags, mainly regarding raising kids, having kids etc or along the lines of being a christian woman, reading devotions, having influence. The main reason I use hashtags  is because I write. I write here if I'm feeling ambitious and I write on Instagram when the mood hits. And if I can write something that someone else relates to and if that something will encourage them, help them in any way...than in my own small way I am making a big difference. I may not always know how I'm making a difference, but I try to be responsible with my words and stay open to the leading to the Holy Spirit in everything I say, so my job is done. So I hashtag (at least for now), to put myself and my words out there. It's a simple and mostly harmless way of being seen and heard.

If it was just about being seen and heard for my own sake, I wouldn't do it. This online world we live in has the ability to affect and reach so many more people than ever before in history. We can scoff at technology or reflect on the good old days, but when it comes to our influence, we have more now than ever. And if we don't use our influence for good, someone else will come along and use theirs for bad. So I say, let's do what we can and use the tools in our hands today for the glory of God.

I'm off topic, but this is where I am going. With hashtags and whatnot, comes along a lot of "likes" and "comments" and "follows" that are false in nature. People follow along with the hope of getting you to see them or follow them. Perhaps they own a shop or are a creative of some kind. They write, they speak, they are a fitness coach, they sell wraps, whatever...and sometimes they just have a really cool Instagram aesthetic (which is it's own awesome kind of creativity, in and of itself)!
So I get it. I get people need to put themselves out there, they need to put forth effort to get people to see what they do and what they have to offer.
But where I've learned to draw the line is lacking integrity in doing so (especially if you proclaim Jesus in your bio). When we gain or seek followers under false pretense and someone responds in kindness by following us and then we unfollow once we get their approval (or if we don't get it), I see and hear junior high & high school all over again. It sounds so super silly even typing this out. But as silly as it sounds, it's a real thing with millions of people online desperately hoping for the approval and distant admiration of others, but lacking the integrity to really earn it. If you have any sort of social media account, you've probably know what I am talking about.

I think the reason this has been on my heart is because I've been there. I have felt like I needed people to like or know me when I first started this journey of blogging and writing online. But little by little, God has shown me to just follow his leading. I will affect and reach the people I am supposed to reach if I always stay obedient to Him. Remember Paul when he said "Follow Me as I follow Christ?" (1 Cor 11:1) It wasn't about Paul. He had already been known and not in the best kind of way. That's not what he wanted any longer. But it was about Paul setting an example so in turn others would follow Christ and find hope. 
Maybe today, I will set the example in my home. Maybe this weekend, it will be at my church. Maybe on Tuesday, it will be on the phone or at the grocery store or mall. Maybe next week it will be online. Maybe he needs me to reach 10,000 women or maybe He already has someone else doing that. Maybe I am supposed to reach 10. Maybe He wants me to fiercely promote what He has laid on my heart, or maybe what he is teaching me is just for my small group.
Maybe it changes from day to day.

The point is it's all about Him. It's about making Him known in a real way to this world. It's not about being known or gaining momentum, just to feel admired by a majority. Whether you are a writer, a church, a worship leader, a parent, a creator, a speaker, a photographer, an entreprenuer, an Instagrammer, a doctor, a computer programmer.

Whatever you do. Whatever hats you wear. Make it about Him. And honor that commitment.

Because, being known doesn't always mean being loved. I think our current politics teach us that. There are a handful of names I could spit out right now and everyone in the world would know those names and thousands of people would respond with sarcasm or fury or annoyance. But true love and acceptance comes from your Heavenly Father, who knows every bit of you and from the people in your real life who love you no matter how many or few people admire you from afar off.

If this is an area you are struggling in or have ever struggled in, my prayer is that the Lord to show you the depth of His love for you. That you would feel brave and confident and beautiful knowing who Christ is in you. And that you would seek His wisdom for your life and in following His leading, you would find true happiness and rest in simply being known by Him and doing what He has called of YOU, and you alone. 

His word says He knows the stars by name and every hair on your head. He knows you. 
He knows when you lay your head down and when you wake up. 
He knows your voice shakes when you speak in front of a crowd, but when you counsel a friend, His wisdom comes pouring out smooth as butter. 
He knows, you might look like a kindergartner when you try to create with your hands, but genius shines through when you create online. 
He knows that you write there instead of their, and loose instead of lose and people make up memes about you, but you have the anointing of God flowing through your words when you speak. 
He knows that you can't sing a single note in key, but can certainly make that musician sound amazing in the studio.

It doesn't matter. Because He knows you. 
He is the one who truly knows you. He is the one who truly loves you.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Oh Dear Girl, You Are Worth So Much More

**i couldn't sleep. this is for any girl that has ever tried to find their value in the "eyes" of a man**

oh dear one, you try to break free from the prison you have built
you try to claw your way out, grasping for breath
your fingernails dirty, your brow creases with lines of confusion
lines of regret
oh dear girl, why cant you see you are worth so much more
than this object of momentary adoration
seeking approval in  the lusting eyes of that man
his glances, his thoughts, the touch of his stare
what is it you are looking for, when your skin you bare 
oh dear one, why can't you see that you are worth more than what he thinks
you're worth more than those tears that you drink
how is it that you keep seeking the love of  those
who value only what they can see
depth is deeper, love is stronger,  purpose is found in freedom
not slavery to the weak
you are more  i keep trying to tell you,
you are worth so much more than working to  please to be loved. 
you deserve to be loved unconditionally
oh be strong, dear one. you have love.
It is me.
blindfolded you follow him
yet you can clearly see.
handcuffed to your own mistakes. When will enough be enough?
I'm telling you now and I told you then. I bled for you, and I'd do it again.
To me, you are worth my own life. I took it for you.
Like Romeo and Juliet,  a tragic death
I told you I would never abandon you, even when you forsake me
there is nothing you could ever do (or not do) that would make me want to leave
That is what you are worth, you are my everything
oh dear one, you needn't only to be told "oh baby,  you deserve more"
because you deserve more than mere words of debt
To be clothed in the glory of strength and purpose
is more beautiful  than the nakedness of  regret
let your smile show the confidence of how much you cost
let your eyes sparkle finding all that's been lost
Genuine love will seek you, because you are worth being sought
oh dear girl, the key to your heart 
isn't found in the baring of your body or skin
its treasured in the liberty of letting love win
This knot in your stomach, this burden you carry, this shame you live with 
 every single day and every night
let it go. let it go. let it go.
Let HIS love engulf you and comfort your aching soul

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Lies I Believed

I was invited to share a little bit of my story in a link up called Overcome The Lies.
To share my story about the lies I have believed about myself,
and that God has taken me out of.
We as women, are subject to so many kinds of lies about ourselves...
Lies about ourselves are fed to us through circumstances, media, family, peers...
or maybe lies that we come up with on our own. Lies that satan feeds our thoughts.
Oh man, do I have a lot of them. If I look over my life throughout my 37 years,
(yes I turn 37 this week) I can pinpoint the lies in so many places.
Some of them disgust me, because some of them I talked myself into believing,
even when I knew the truth. The ones that told me I would feel satisfied or loved or free
by doing my own thing. I know it sounds SOOOO cliche to say it won't, but I know just as much as 
anyone that freedom doesn't & hasn't come in serving myself. Nor does happiness.
In fact, this so-called "freedom & happiness" only made me feel worse.
There were lies that told me the grass is greener on the other side. It's not, trust me.
Lies that told me I am getting too old, it's too late for me to do anything great now,
I should have started earlier.
Lies that have told me I can't get through my day, through my life
without some sort of substance that will help me float through it, or sleep through it.
Lies that told me God had nothing for me & I wasn't talented in a family 
full of preachers and musicians. And I had nothing to give.
I really could go on and on with those little annoying nagging thoughts, those hideous lies,
that have turned my life into a mundane chore, rather than an epic adventure.
This past year of blogging has changed my life more than I could ever imagine.
Writing out my thoughts here, my inspirations, has helped me grow,
 and has put me to action in a way I never even knew was possible.
Who said I was too old? Who said it was too late for me to do something great?
Oh, that's right I did. Or maybe satan did. Either way, it was a lie.
God has proven his purpose in me time and time again through the avenue
of writing and encouragement and compassion.
I knew that I prayed for compassion as a young 19 year old girl.
I just wasn't sure in which way it would come out of me.

I think this blog is just the beginning of proof that He has something wonderful for me.
It's not the end of my life. It's just the beginning. And I'm celebrating it!
He is doing something great. Something artistic. Something that is me in ME.
It's ME, because He made it to be me. He designed me.
His passion inside of me isn't the same as my family, no. But it is still the same God working
through me. I'd venture to say that each one of us out here in blogging community have some
sort of gift in a similar area as one another since the majority of us write to an extent. 
Our gifts from Him lie in our interests & passion. What are you passionate about?
Why would God place passion inside of us for anything?  It is all to be used for his glory.
Even if your passion is for simply being the best mother or wife you can be.
That can absolutely be done for his glory.
Every time you set the table or change a diaper or take a photo or write a song,
or a blog post, or paint a picture...
Do it with this is mind. That you wouldn't have that passion if it wasn't for God.
So that passion is a God given gift He placed inside of you. It's his purpose for you life.
We don't always get that. We just think, 'Hey, I like playing basketball, because I do.'
But think about all the different kinds of people there are in world,
with all the different talents and passions, who may be only able to reach that one person
that is similar to you, that gets where you are coming from.
Just like me, you have something that drives you. Don't believe the lie that
life is just day in and day out and your blog is just as an outlet.
I'd say it's a gift. It's a passion. Be intentional with it.
I'm not saying you have to write about God every day, 
But let this life he gave you be a celebration.
And celebrate your precious life by writing about it, sharing it with others...
because God gave it to you.
It's your life on purpose.


Monday, January 21, 2013

How We Look & How We Judge. When We Feel Insecure.

I think more often than not I need to practice what I preach.
I am really great at writing about something I am currently learning or basically that I
hope to teach myself, knowing that there is truth in there somewhere. Truth that we all need to hear.
So, I then spill all these nagging, self analyzing thoughts onto my blog posts, in which everyone
thinks I am so admirably inspiring and sure, in the past I have had issues, but I now
seemingly have it all together. That's simply not true.

Something I have really struggled in is my self image. And me saying that is scary.
Because I feel like people are glaring at me through their computer screens, or scoffing or rolling their eyes.
This is the exact reason why I struggle with it.
Because people look at all the photoshopped photos and automatically assume I should never say a word about myself. I should never feel inadequate. But it's a fact. We ALL deal with it.
 We all have issues we see in ourselves that we dislike.
As much as I  can preach "how valuable" we all are, it doesn't change the fact
that some days I look at myself in a darkly lit room where every bump or pimple or line or yes, even age spot on my face shows up and I think to myself "Really, if people had any idea what I look like in
this lighting, without photoshop, they would obviously be shocked."
I can hear the astonished whispers, the stares the "Wow, she looks so much different in person than she does on her photos."
No matter what size we are, what shape we are, how we come across looking in our photos...
there is always something that each of us can come up with that we just do not like about ourselves.
It kinda sucks, right?

There have been days where people have actually made me feel bad for being a short, petite girl.
 Sometimes, it seems like people think I don't have the right to have a bad day, because I'm petite.
 Like I don't have the right to work out or to get rid of unwanted weight, because I'm already petite.
I get laughed at. Ridiculed. Rude remarks. Because Lord knows everything in her life must be perfect, and how dare she complain about a chubby day, because, well, she is petite.
I get it. I get that people see other people and think they have it all together...
 at least when we try to measure someone else to our standards, or our own body,
THEY win...someone else always wins...
so they shouldn't complain, right?

Ya know, their legs aren't as fat as ours, They have bigger boobs. They're teeth are whiter.
Their complexion is better. So they win. AND they have NO right to have a bad day.
 It's weird how little compassion we can have as woman if we think another woman looks better than us.  Sometimes being small has me paranoid and insecure and disliked in a whole different way.
Maybe not in the I need to lose 40 lbs way. But I still have my moments.I have those "things" about my appearance that hurt me, the derail me and that keep me feeling inferior.
No, all the photoshopped photos may not reveal insecurities, but why would they?
They are meant to hide those pimples, those wrinkles, those age spots, those rolls...
and all those things I hate.

Have you ever talked or thought about women that you thought looked better than you, for whatever reason? Making assumptions that they probably think they are God's gift to the world, not really knowing how insecure they may be? What issues  may lie beneath the clothing or makeup?
I know I have.
So on top of their insecurity, they also have people talking about them.
Tell me that wouldn't hurt . I often feel sorry for celebrities who get ridiculed for every lb they gain,
every mistake they make, every eyelash out of place. They are people. And just because we think they are perfect by our own standards or we think they are screw ups by our own standards, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to have the whole world talk about you like they know you.

One day on facebook, I complained that ...mentioned that I looked 4 months pregnant in a status.
Granted, I realize I probably didn't look that way to other people, but I was extremely bloated and I know what I normally look and feel like, so if I need to lose a few, I know it, because my pants don't fit. And I am sorry, but it was a passing remark, but not sorry, if it makes somebody angry at me for voicing I'd like to lose weight.
But I'd rather do that than have to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe, and waste money on something that I can easily fix if I put my mind to it. 
 But because in everyone else's eyes,  I'm a pretty small person. So I shouldn't want to be healthy and comfortable on top of it? Apparently I've already had the world handed to me on a silver platter? 
(By the way I am typing this as I am eating  piece of Dora The Explorer birthday cake, while I am
supposed to be on a fruit and veggie fast.)
Anyways, you have no idea how that comment thread blew up that day on facebook. People were spewing out close to hateful words, not just to me, but to anyone who chimed in with me in an understanding fashion.  
I've got news for you. No matter what size  or shape you are, people can make you feel bad about yourself.  For varying reasons.  Maybe not in the same way YOU feel bad about yourself,   
but it still feels terrible nonetheless.
(One of the many reasons I can't stand facebook, but that's another issue which I will get into
on another day perhaps.)

I actually took it upon myself to show people a whole album of photos of the before an afters of many of my (photoshopped) pictures.
 To prove a point that we all have things we dislike about ourselves, so STOP YELLING AT ME!
The arm fat I took out. The tummy rolls. The acne. And I then had someone who I thought was a friend turn it against me behind my back and say "She doesnt even look that great. She even admits to photoshopping herself. I look way better and I don't photoshop anything."
Ouch, that hurt so so bad. You have no idea how the tears rolled that night when I got those forwarded emails from a 3rd party. And people wonder why I am paranoid. 

How is it that I am a petite , fairly small person and still so paranoid and insecure?
How can I  still dislike what I look like most days?  There is a big part of me that believes part of it is because people have laughed at me, teased me, made jokes at my expense those days where I did   feel imcomplete and voiced my insecurities, those days that I was hurting for some reason.
Instead of encouragement, they scoffed. Instead of love, they ridiculed.
And women tend to make those assumptions based on their own insecurities, not realizing that it hurts just as bad to be a small girl and be ridiculed as it does to be any other person and ridiculed...
the fact remains that we all are human and need love and compassion. 
Size or looks makes no difference.

We as women, as humans are always comparing ourselves to someone else. I am currently running 118lbs and am 5'3. . And just like anyone else, I look at a girl who is 5'8 and the exact same weight as me...
And to me they look great. They don't look anorexic or anything. At least I don't think so.
They have long beautiful legs. Compared to my short stumps.
Pretty skin. A flat stomach...big boobs, at least from what I can see....
and I get that brief wave of jealousy. But then I simply admire how well she must take care of herself.
Obviously there are those who would shoot her down rather than admire her.
How dare she look like that? And even more so, how dare she ever feel insecure about anything?

And then I look at my crater face, my saggy tummy skin that actually "sways" in the bathtub
(am I the only mommy with this problem?) pancake boobs after breastfeeding 3 kids...
and I feel like my only vindication is to remain petite. At least I can have that going for me.
Well that, and to airbrush every line, wrinkle and bump on my face. So maybe if you see me in a dark restaraunt I don't look so hot,
but I sure as heck am going to look somewhat decent in my pictures.
Try and make me feel bad about it. Whatevs.
I realize some people in their own way are trying to just say "You look great. I don't see a problem."
Ok, I get that. But then say that. 
 When you are trying to encourage another girl who is feeling insecure say, "You are so pretty, trust me" Or say, "What do you do to look that good? Because you look great."
Don't say "OMG, I am sooo mad at you for saying that. I hate you"  "My girlfriend would be so ticked off  right now." Or "You need to just be satisfied with your size."
Ok, so what if I am satisfied with my size today, and somebody doesn't like me for it,
 but I will never be comfortable with my complexion. And there is absolutely nothing I can ever do about it. The scarring and age spots and texture.
I will never be comfortable with the saggy transformation my body took after having kids.
There will never be a day when I love "tucking in" my extra skin into my jeans.
Seriously. I know there are women out there that feel me. That know. But some have no clue
what it's like just just to have a "pouch" that you can't lose or tone up with crunches, but an actual "pouch" that you only have 2 options for
a) get it cut off surgically b) tuck it in.
And don't give me the whole, "You have beautiful children because of it." Yes, I know.
I still don't like tucking it in. Just sayin. Is that ok? For me to say that on my blog? Or what?
I hate tucking in my skin.

But I also know that their are girls that are like are 10-15 lbs less than me and they hate it. 
That wish they were bigger. That think they have the body of a boy. They wish they had curves.
And another girls natural tendancy is to judge her, assume she has an eating disorder or something.
Meanwhile she is desperately trying to gain weight. And people are talking about her.
Why do we look down on or hurt others because we think they don't have it as bad as us?
So somehow they don't deserve compassion. It's like we judge who is ok to have compassion on,
and who is not ok based on how they compare to our own self image and how they look compared to us? 
 We hate to admit it, but it's true.
My own husband has to TRY to gain weight. He once gained 20lbs, but he had to eat like 6 big meals a day and drink muscle milk on top of it. It's just his issue.
An issue I am sure most of us "WISH" we had...
There is not really a point to this, other than to point out we all have things we need to work on.
One of them, obviously being the way we feel about ourselves. Sure I can sit here and preach value in the eyes of God. How he created us beautiful and a masterpiece  and it's all true.
But there is a time to just say "Hey, we all go through this. This (our issues with our weight, our shape, our appearance...) isn't any less real than the truth of how valuable we actually are. It isn't any less true if you are tiny or obese, if you have grey hair at 20 (like me) or you don't get it until your 60, if you have smooth skin or a rough complexion.  It is something everyone deals with in some way. And quite honestly, it a lot of time LOOKS more real than our actual value, because it's something we SEE in the mirror every day.
It takes faith to believe in our value and worth.

I'm just throwing this all out there, based on how I have felt in the past about myself, how others have made me ashamed for how I felt, for things I have done to make myself feel better, for how guys have made me feel, or girls even..or just on how I have heard others talk about how they look or feel about themselves. We joke about it, but we still feel it. I have a friend who always says "I'm large and in charge." She is laughing and pregnant,
but there are some girls that are not. There are the tiniest girls ever that wish they had curves and legs and a chest. But we may envy because they are tiny.
 The girls you think are beautiful, may see themselves as ugly.
The girls you think that have it all together, may cry every night alone in their bed, hoping that
no one knows the truth.
So no matter who it is, how jealous you may feel, how perfect their lives, their bodies "look"
on their blog, on their pinterest, on their facebook...know that everyone needs that encouragement,
that friendship and that human love we all crave.
Take a minute to tell someone how pretty you think she is today. We all love to hear it.
You know we do.  Do it right now. Stop by a blog you don't get to very often,
and let her know how precious she is...
I'm going to do it right now as well...

Monday, January 14, 2013

Giving Up On My Dream

I have a secret. Ok, we all have secrets, I know. But this is a secret I want to share with you.
This blog is not just a blog to me. This is a part of a bigger dream that I have. When I started this 
blog I had no idea this dream was even inside of me. Seriously, no clue. 
I knew from seldom instances & opportunities that I liked to write, but I never really had the reason or opportunity in which I felt it was appreciated, so other than emails or facebook, I never really saw beyond that. When people would say I was funny or I should write a book, I thought to myself  
"Ummm, no...You want funny? Here is a funny facebook status for ya."
But as I begin to write, the intimate details of my mind pouring into my keyboard and out onto all of you,
 I realized how much I feel I have to say. Here is the thing, anything I say when I write, would not sound as funny or as heartfelt if I spoke it. At least I don't think so. Maybe I am wrong.
But I just love to write. I don't want my blog to just be a place where people just come to look at cute
pictures of my kids, or my awesome weekend...It's just not me. Although that is certainly part of it...

  I realize that people like a little variety and quite honestly fashion posts are way more popular than speaking the depths of my soul, and that sucks for a writer. I can put up a post of my brand new dress and get tons of traffic and then put up something where I let you  high dive straight into my heart and I end up losing followers. I will never really figure that out.  I'm guessing it's because I mentioned God...and people that followed me simply due to a giveaway didn't realize that I loved God so much? Who knows? But I realized when it comes down to it, I want readers more than I want followers. I want people to connect with me. I don't want people to unfollow me everytime I write something so deep and personal to me. It makes no sense to want followers that would end up unfollowing me one day due to the fact that they finally actually read something I wrote,
and realized they thought I sucked.
I am simply doing what I love to do. It comes natural for me. It's my passion. I want people to come to my blog to read, not just look at me, or look at my kids ...or skim through what I say. 
I am a writer. I'm really am trying to just face it. It is what it is.

That's what I do. I've had a hard time with it, because I do realize when I write,
it's something a person has to take time to read and it's simply not as popular as other types of blogs.
It's harder to digest in this day and age of the quick and the drive through and the microwave oven.
 But I am starting to come to terms with who I am and what my dream and vision is.
Not everyone's dream is the same, and that's ok. I'm not going to connect with everyone, and that's ok.
But, my dream is to write. If you are a reader and followed me because you like to read what I write or I inspired you or you just like me for some strange reason, then thats wonderful, but if you followed me because of a giveaway, I so appreciate it, but let it be known...I write. If you have been around my blog for awhile, you know this and you know how I write and what I write about.
And I don't always write short & sweet.
And I do write about God. And I do write sarcastically.
But the point is, I like to write.
After a year, I am finally starting to get over the "I'm going to unfollow you because you wrote something I didn't like" thing. And just starting to accept that everyone isn't going to love me, 
even when I know my heart is in the right place. I mean, at least I think I am...

Here's the thing: 
Because the blog world is made up of so many different kinds of people, it makes
it challenging to get out there and find those people that would connect with you. It makes it challenging to find people that will like what you do.
Giveaways and features are great for exposure, but sometimes, not so great that day when people find
out who you really are, what you really blog about. I'm not really sure how else to get my name
out there, but I am working on a) not caring so much b) trusting that God will bring the right people
by if I am diligent in doing what I am passionate about...writing.
This writing dream has suddenly and surprisingly become bigger than I care to admit. Like book writing big...and I simply don't feel qualified .

So I tend to back away from writing all together, because like I said, my heart wrenching, thought provoking posts don't get the feedback I wish for and I start to think that if people can't make it through a post I write, how will I ever get people to read a book I write, so what's the point of spilling my heart...??
and on with the outfit post!
Have YOU ever felt like that?

But I KNOW KNOW KNOW that is wrong thinking. I KNOW it. Because I know that gift is
inside of me , not to mention I want it so badly. And if I am so passionate about it, there is a reason.
If my mind is always spinning and turning and toiling over something I want to spill onto my
keyboard, then there must be a reason for it. And that reason is that God placed it there.

All of our dreams, all our passions are truly God given. And SO many times our dreams seem so much bigger than us. That's why we call it a dream, right? It's off in the distance somewhere, for
somebody else to do. Surely I could never do this. I am just a mom...just a wife...I like messing
around with graphics and writing here and there on my blog, but no one reads it...
or at least that is the thought process Satan feeds me. SO instead of listening to my God given
passion and desire. I listen to the lies about myself and quit. At least in my heart I quit.
But every dream takes work right. Every dream takes a tremendous amount of time and rejection and
giving up, right?
Can you imagine what would have happened if Joseph gave up when he was thrown in prison? Or if Moses gave up because the Egyptians kept out doing him with their sorcery? Or if Sarah gave up because she was 90 years old?
Or if David gave up because Saul tried to kill him?
The great things these every day men and women did were birthed out of passion for God and
passion for God's will to be in particular instances. If Moses would have said "Screw it, here I am trying to help my people out of slavery and they don't even like me," then I wonder what would have
happened. Sure he got mad, smashed the 10 commandments, but that is part of the frustration of
obstacles planted in the path of our dreams.
I'm just learning to protect my heart. Those things that cause me to want to back away from my
dream. Those dumb little things that I do, or that I cared so much about that weigh down  & fizzle out my passion, and make me feel like I'm not getting through to anyone.
I am learning to step away to protect myself from those things.
How am I to be effective EVER if I am feeding on negative??
Friends, I would encourage you to protect yourself from the lies that this world tries to
feed you. If it makes you feel that you can't do it, no one cares...then don't feed on it...
Those lies that you feed on will tear the life out of you and if you have no life, how can you be effective?
If staring at numbers make you feel less than adequate, then stop looking.
Know that your dreams, and my dreams are there for a reason.
And they have the ability to affect someone...if even just one person... God still placed it
inside of you for this reason.

I li nked up with the MONDAY MEET Up over at Covered In GRACE  


Monday, September 10, 2012

I AM Small, I AM Nothing, I AM Nobody

I have a little confession to make, nothing too exciting, most likely
over the top ordinary & boring, yet I'm going to put it out there,
well, for the sake of this post. ;)
I constantly struggle with letting everyone and everything but me define my worth!
Please tell me I'm not the only one!
Have you ever done that? I mean, I don't purposely tell myself, "Ok today, you 
are worth 17 cents, because this person didnt pay attention to you..." or 
"today you are worth $15 bucks because you got a great compliment!"
but nevertheless, I do it in my own little way.

I let my circumstances, comparisons, and the way people treat me...
(even if they don't even mean anything by it or realize they did it)
define how I feel about myself. And I realize that is SO wrong for SO many reasons.
But we all do it at times I think. We let the fact that we live paycheck to paycheck,
or that our ex-boyfriend crushed us, or that we had an abusive childhood,
or maybe that some super amazing blogger didn't respond to us...
suddenly make us feel sort of "unworthy."
Unworthy of what? Unworthy of life? Because that's just silly, isn't it?
Yet, I struggle with this, I swear, daily!
I get this overwhelming feeling of "small." I'm just this small person, 
not worth someone else's precious time or I dont have the big bucks to do certain
things I would love to do, so life must immediately be chalked up as boring or mundane.
That's not true.
There are only TWO things that can determine your value:
YOU and GOD!
Well, God created you with intent and purpose. 
Have you ever created something you love...
and were so proud of your work ....and then just trashed it?
No! You created it for a reason and you love your work.
It's easy to see what God thinks of us and how much value he places
 on our lives if you just look...
" She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far Above Rubies or pearls."
(prov. 31:10)

Bur for some reason, we don't want to believe that.
We are the ONLY other person that can determine our worth.
We can believe what we want to about ourselves!
And not only that, but every experience, sadness, rejection, hurt is only a
jumping off point to help others and speak value & truth into THEIR lives!
Do you realize that?!
EVERY SINGLE hard time you have been through..
have you been through a miscarriage, have you been broken up with,
have people talked bad about you, have you felt neglected or ignored,
have you struggled with money, have you lost your job,
have you not done as well in school as you would have liked, have you felt lost in which direction to take for your life, have your children got into trouble...
whatever it is that has got you down...take those experiences...
and instead of letting those things eat away at your worth, use them, grow from them,
and encourage others who are going through the same things.
Personally I think the highest value is on those who've helped others.
Those who have been through all kinds of crap in life, but refuse to let the "crap" define them...
and instead they love others. They are an encouragement to others!
And if you use those hard experiences, those rejections as a jumping off point
to be a HUGE blessing to another person, then YOUR VALUE is far above 
what you could ever dream! Especially in the eyes of the person whose life
you spoke into. Trust me.
Even this post, is me, taking those bad thoughts about myself, those worthless 
thoughts, those down and out, guess I'm nobody type thoughts that try to 
bombard my mind...and I'm turning them around to encourage YOU to 
do the same thing. You get what I'm saying??
There is PRICELESS TREASURE right there, in You!
Even though I have struggled with this throughout my life, 
I refuse to let myself be valued in the eyes of another.. or in the eyes of what "I think"
another is saying. My heart is to LOVE ON PEOPLE,
and make sure they know how precious they are!!

Congrats to Kim D who won the Messy. Dirty. Hair. Giveaway. 
Email me asap!!
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