Word Web Vocabulary

The truth is

sometimes life has to be on purpose

sure, we can just live and breath and speak

letting the dishes pile up on the counter

letting the dog go unbathed

letting the voice mail go unchecked

all these things I do weekly

scratch that, daily

I let things go

important things slide right past my day

like visits to dentist

or undone homework

or eczema that has infested my entire body

I think i wake up thinking

that if I pretend it's not there, somehow

it will go away on it's own

Ok, the truth is

the eczema I can't pretend

My skin literally crunches when I walk

and I'd like to pretend I'm not in pain

physical, actual pain

but I am

The truth is somedays when I manage to 

schedule a few long overdue appointments

read a few chapters from a book

 and sweep the floor

all in the same day

I feel like superwoman

and I tell myself to grow up

be an adult

The truth is, 

that little girl in the photo

Sometimes I have to be intentional with her

because she's the middle child

not my baby, not my first born

she got stuck in the middle

and I have to remind myself

and remind her

how much I love her

how happy she makes me

and how much her personality makes me laugh

and at night when the other two kids want me to rub their back,

tickle their feet 

and they shower me with kisses

and she simply rolls over with no requests of me

after saying "I love you Mommy"

It's then that I go in for the snuggle

I have to do it on purpose

So that she never forgets how much I love her

and need her

And the truth is 

she is my mini-me

she will go to bed silently

but the smile on her face

says more than any words ever could

I remember then how much my self sufficient

comedic middle child

needs me too.

linked up with my dear friend brooke at covered in grace

Train in the middle of the night,

tranquilize me, soothe me, relaxing my nerves

A million voices of a million thoughts that seemingly go unheard

those whispers that won't keep quiet

When I keep hushing them away

The rowdy sounds keep getting louder

as they are begging me to stay

I keep tossing and turning

lying there awake

The street lights shine their light on my mind

dissolving the sleeping pills that I take

Eyes wide open, every thought louder than the next

Until I hear that old familiar sound

that leaves me reverently perplexed

It's the sound of the train in the middle of the night

A simplicity that I beg

it's casual but not too close, in the distance but not unheard of

Carrying the freight

taking the weight off my shoulders

It's funny how a lasting smell, a lasting sound

can make a moment stand on its own

The informal introduction of the night train

reminds me I'm not alone

It's uninterested in what I have to say

yet soothingly drowns out all that is screaming in my head

Reminiscent of  that old Cash song

When the train is coming around the bend

It's as if a lullaby was rocking me

My eyes drift off the sleep

Until once again, my apprehensions keep me awake

I bid thee farewell,
dear train
dear train

Photography by my husband. Find him on Instagram as Superflysmith

**i couldn't sleep. this is for any girl that has ever tried to find their value in the "eyes" of a man**

oh dear one, you try to break free from the prison you have built

you try to claw your way out, grasping for breath

your fingernails dirty, your brow creases with lines of confusion

lines of regret

oh dear girl, why cant you see you are worth so much more

than this object of momentary adoration

seeking approval in  the lusting eyes of that man

his glances, his thoughts, the touch of his stare

what is it you are looking for, when your skin you bare 

oh dear one, why can't you see that you are worth more than what he thinks

you're worth more than those tears that you drink

how is it that you keep seeking the love of  those

who value only what they can see

depth is deeper, love is stronger,  purpose is found in freedom

not slavery to the weak

you are more  i keep trying to tell you,

you are worth so much more than working to  please to be loved. 

you deserve to be loved unconditionally

oh be strong, dear one. you have love.

It is me.

blindfolded you follow him

yet you can clearly see.

handcuffed to your own mistakes. When will enough be enough?

I'm telling you now and I told you then. I bled for you, and I'd do it again.

To me, you are worth my own life. I took it for you.

Like Romeo and Juliet,  a tragic death

I told you I would never abandon you, even when you forsake me

there is nothing you could ever do (or not do) that would make me want to leave

That is what you are worth, you are my everything

oh dear one, you needn't only to be told "oh baby,  you deserve more"

because you deserve more than mere words of debt

To be clothed in the glory of strength and purpose

is more beautiful  than the nakedness of  regret

let your smile show the confidence of how much you cost

let your eyes sparkle finding all that's been lost

Genuine love will seek you, because you are worth being sought

oh dear girl, the key to your heart 

isn't found in the baring of your body or skin

its treasured in the liberty of letting love win

This knot in your stomach, this burden you carry, this shame you live with 

 every single day and every night

let it go. let it go. let it go.

Let HIS love engulf you and comfort your aching soul

What do I want people to think of

when they remember me

my friends, my family, my observers and passer by-ers...

I was thinking about the things I don't want people to think of me

the other day,

things that I know people have,

assumptions or conclusions people have made about me

with very little knowledge of my story 

where I have been or where I am going

People have decided

This is who she must be

Without every really knowing who "she" is.

Those who have spent hours upon hours

talking to me,

laughing with me

crying with me

know that I have a story, 

but very few know the whole story.

But as we all do at some point,

we make a guess of what is going on in another persons life.

As much as I don't like to believe I care what others think,

to some degree we all do.

But all I can do is strive from this point on

to be the person I want people to know

The person I want people to remember

What would people say about me if I was gone?

Would they cry

While just a year ago they were talking about me behind my back?

Would they care?

Or would they think to themselves

would they say outloud to others

She was a wife to her husband,

I remember how much they laughed,

how much they cried, 

but in the end how earnestly they loved.

She was a mother who adored her children

and they were completely in love with her.

They had her wrapped around their fingers.

Life got a little crazy and chaotic for her

but she laughed in the face of tears.

Would they say

She was brave, She was strong

She finally found where she belonged

Her heart had beauty etched in it

because she shined with the beauty of the one she loved most,

 her Jesus.

She worked hard to point others to the love of Jesus

She was a worshiper without the music

She was a preacher in the non traditional form
Even though she was busy with her kids and her life,
She was a friend who didn't give up,
a friend who was there if you needed her

She cared for people.
She saw the broken and knew they needed hope.

She was a writer, an artist, a poet...

Yet so few knew

In her life, she emanated the Joy of the Lord and the Glory of God

When she laughed it made others smile,

When she cried it stirred compassion to reach out

How do I want to be remembered when I die?

I want to be remembered for the passion behind my words,

the sparkle behind my eyes

the compassion overflowing in my veins

and the lover of beauty seen through the eyes of our God.

I don't want to be remembered as a sad story,

a story of regret, a wasted life

I want to be someone people will miss,

because they will miss the passion and beauty that was placed inside me

I want to be sure people know that I love them,

not just with weak human love, as great as it may feel at times

but with a greater love than I can make sense of

I believe the person of Jesus had so much more beauty and integrity and love,
laughter, joy, faith, encouragement than we can ever really fathom.

I want to be like him.

How do you want to be remembered?

A  beautiful girl I want you to know...

a photo i took in door county, wisconsin this summer

I wish you knew that God is so faithful.

I wish you could understand the trouble I have seen,
and how I have come out alive.

I didn't want to come out alive.
I practically begged to die, so I didn't have to do it myself.
But God, he knows me better than I know myself.

I wish you knew that no matter what you go through,

you can have and will have that ever present help,

in your time of need.

What is your need?

Do you need joy

Strength

A friend

Comfort

Healing in your body

Healing in your heart

A relationship to be restored

Because he is here, he is there, right where you are.

But the question is: are you willing to ask?

He said seek and you will find,

knock and the door will be opened,

ask and you will recieve

Don't be too proud

Dont feel like you are too far away

or that you know too little about God

Don't feel like because you have had too many questions,

or you are unsure about who he is,

that he won't hear you.

He will. He does not lie. He does not change.

Lately I have felt lonely. I go through spurts.

Highs and lows.

And i've forgotten to go to my source of friendship,

joy, and peace of mind.

How is it that I think i have it all together

so much so, that i forget to ask for his help?

I wish more of you knew, what I know.

That he loves you. He loves me.

no matter what

no matter who

no matter when.

He has not changed. We may change.
We may goes through ups and downs,
questions and answers,
trials and triumphs.
But He does not change.
I wish you knew that  I love you too.
That I am here for any of you.
If you want a friend, I am here
If you want prayer, please ask me.
If you want to laugh, I try to do that too.
As long as you know, that I am not perfect.
And the joy I experience,
it comes from within.
It comes from the Lord.
I wish you knew.
You can have this joy too.
The lonliness, the sad times, the struggles...
all pale in comparison to when I let him know.
God, I need your help. I am sorry I didn't ask sooner.
I am sorry I tried to take this upon myself,
when you told me to cast my cares on you.
I wish you knew too,
to give it to God,
whatever it is.
He is real. You've wondered. Weren't sure.
But he is.
I am proof his love exists.
His patience & kindness.
His help is here.
There.
Always.
I wish you knew.

Have a beautiful weekend, friends.

I linked up with Alissa for Coffee Date on Rags to Stitches
and Casey Leigh for What's On My Heart

Weary these walls, so far tattered and torn

Glimpsing through the salt water seas

Eyes desperate with gasping and pleas

Breaking silence of her soul left forlorn

Wincing the burn; left the tear stained disguise

Masterfully creates that what you see

Never should know what is deemed so lonely

High the tide it rolls in; waves, they would rise

Taken upon ones self, a guilty brow

Drowns, pursuit a gesture; cries SOS

Master, commander grasps her hand to hold

Wrapped arms, shelter found; comfort and rest

Glanced she back, but only a moment left

Memory lost, wearing a brand new dress

-Julie Marie

Debating on whether or not to explain this. To me, poetry, basic Dr Suess rhymes aside

are interesting to try and figure out. And to be honest, for the life of me

I simply can't do it most of the time.

I thrive on having a decent amount of art and creativity in my blood.

But I don't claim to be the most cultured person in the world,

yet I love to write. So, I try things. New things, like this. A Sonnet..

And for the most part, no one sees any of it.

But I do it, to see if it works for me. 

I loved writing it, and it sure as heck made sense to me.

Haha. Don't know if it will to anyone else though.

???

If you have a guess, let me know...I'm curious.
I honestly just want to know if I stand a chance at diversity in writing =)