Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Biggest Thing I Will Ever Do...

I just want to say how much I love these three people. I have no idea what I'd be doing with my
life if I didn't have these three children to raise up. It's a scary responsibility at times, knowing that
I've failed them. Even when they don't know I've failed them, but I know it.
 It's a challenge each day to not be lazy and complacent, because one day they will be adults...or even scarier, teenagers and the time to fight for them is now before it's too late.

It's an adventure and it's fun watching their little personalities become big personalities and their interests develop, wondering where they will lead them. 
I know that those traits and characteristics that are in each of us begin at such a young age. 
I will hold this particular memory with me as long as I live. 
When Leila was probably about 8 months old, I was holding her and she grabbed my earring and pulled on it. Of course, out of reaction, I yelled "No." She didn't get scared, but her face just very silently went sad. She made a little frowny face and a single tear streamed down her cheek. Her feelings were hurt. The reason I will never forget that is because now 4 years later, she still cries the same exact way. Her feelings get hurt, but she is silent about it. If she gets yelled at or embarrassed, she walks out of the room quietly, but you can find her hiding by herself with tears streaming down her face. That is how I know that each of their personalities will stick with them.
It is up to us to steer them in the right direction...that sensitivity, that silliness, that talkativeness, 
that willpower...and turn them into strengths. It scares me. What if I mess up? What if I'm doing something wrong?
That is such a huge responsibility. HUGE. What if the crap I go through affects their lives because I become lethargic? It's up to me to make myself stay happy, so I can make sure I am doing everything I can to ensure they stay happy... This is the biggest thing I will ever do. Not just create people, but train people. Yikes. Seriously, yikes. By the grace and strength of God...

Just thinking out loud...


Jillian @ Hi! It's Jilly said...

I feel that way, too. What if everything I'm doing is totally ruining them?! It's been weighing on my mind a lot lately.

Hanna said...

Right there with ya

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