Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Stuck in A Rut...2

 Hello Friends.
I'm on a bit of a blog break. 
I'm not really overwhelmed with blogging at the moment.
Just a little overwhelmed with life. Nothing in particular...just one of those things..
And I fear it will come out in everything I post. Ha!
Who wants to read depressing, stressed out blog posts?
So I decided to get myself in check. Seek the face of my first love...
so I can remember where my heart is in all this.
And THIS post reminded me of all that. Since most of you weren't around
when I originally posted it, I wanted to share it with you.
I don't want to disappear completely, so if anyone needs me, I am still here...
but in the meantime, I wanted to leave you with what I wrote almost 6 months ago,
my first month of blogging.! It's a good reminder that God created YOU to be YOU!

Please bare with me, I have a point =)  
At some point in time,  I dont know when it was, I'm thinking in my 30's... 
I finally learned who I was. 
Haha, that sounds funny, but I really do think you go through periods in life 
where you try to please other people, 
so you never really find out who you are until you are just sorta over all that...
and living YOUR life.  you pleased your friends just to fit in, 
or you tried to please your parents because, well you gotta, 
you pleased your teachers to get good grades, 
and as for me, Im a preachers kid, so well I had to sort of be on my best behavior 
and please those around me, as I suspect a politicians family, or celebrity's family or 
actually any families might do, if even just to your neighbors....
People are just very concerned with what people think in general. 

I went through a great deal of my life, not even realizing I didnt know myself. 

I didnt know what my personality was, what really interested ME, what dreams I had, 
what characteristics I had that could benefit others. I just didnt.. 
I venture to say, many people go through this and dont even realize it until they went through it,
 discovered who they are and it shocked them, like 
...ooooohhhhh, so THIS is me!!!
 I didnt even know I was looking for myself!! =) 

In the last few years, 

I discovered to simply be ME. 
If you dont like it, oh well. If I set my sites on pleasing YOU, 
and I am unhappy, then it's simply not worth it.  
And I dont think that is how God wants us. He created us each so uniquely beautiful 
and we each DO have a service to others...
but that service isnt simply for their approval, it is to help them and bless them. 
For so long, I avoided confrontation no matter how much something bothered me. 
 Or I avoided asking questions, no matter how confused I was. 
Or I avoided my own personality, because somebody might not get it. 
Thats just so wrong, in so many ways, for so many reasons.

On that same note, with sometimes those dreams or talents being different than those 

I am so close in contact with, I always felt a little out of place. I dont preach. I dont sing. 
I dont play an instrument. I'm silly and sarcastic and I make alot of jokes at my own expense 
or sometimes at those I can get away with  ;-). 
I cant speak in public, I can barely speak in private. 
I tried once to minister to a stranger and I was shaking so bad, 
the person actually looked at me like she was scared of me, because I was a freak or something! 
I like making videos and taking pictures and editing and graphics, but what do I do with that?
Half the time it makes people annoyed with me that I dare to make a video starring myself
 or take a picture or 200.. 
(Side note: One time though, a few years back, MTV actually contacted me about one of my videos, where I was making fun of McDonalds Drive Thru and they wanted me to be a part of some show they did that made fun of Music I guess I was funny?? )
ANNNYYWAYYSSS... PLUS, I am brutally open and blunt about alot, 
so much so, I probably embarrass people close to me, in fact I know I do! 
But I cant change who I am based on the approval of others, I can only ask God, 
"Ok God....I need a direction here, 
I need YOU to use ME how you created ME to be, 
and I cant fit into anyone else's agenda of who I should be." 
Speaking for myself, thats just not a fun place to be. 
In fact, Ive wound up in tears because of it many times.. 

Two things I want~ 
1) I want to please God. 
2) I want to be happy in doing so with what he has given ME. 
I DO see things in myself that God has placed in me, and I love being a wife and a mother, 
but how on earth am I ever going to go beyond the walls of my own house, 
or the life that I am accustomed to and pursue those dreams 
God placed in me when I was a teenager? 
This is where I have been, living the dream of  "I have a dream that someday..." 
and just watching my life go by, and never really pursuing it.  
Today I woke up and God was speaking to me concerning moving on past my past
 and moving forward to obtain his prize. And as I meditated on this throughout the day, 
These thoughts start forming, coming only from the Lord, of course,  
and I began to write them down. 
The funny thing about me, is when something is heavy on mind or 
I am in deep thought about a topic, I think in "poetry form." 
Thats one of those weird, most likely God given qualities that I have,
 that sometimes I'm like "huh? what do I do with that?"  
Anyways, God shared with me his warmth, his sweet nature, and his encouragement.
 I was blessed to tears... and I just wanted to share with you,
 for all those of you who feel stuck in rut with your day in and day out life, 
THIS may be for YOU too!


Anonymous said...

That was a great post. Up until a couple of years ago I didn't know who I really was, either. Looking back it surprises me how much I didn't know about myself. You are right, we are all so unique because God made us that way.

Helen said...

Julie this was beautiful. I'm guilty of caring too much what people think of me. I'm like you were. I don't really know who I am, what my personality is etc. I've lost touch with God too. I need to re-connect.

Andiepants said...

That was truly amazing! I am in the path of getting to know me a little better. Some things have recently happened in my little life that have pushed me out of the darkness and into the light. I am so happy to be looking at life in general in a different way.
Thank you for the inspiration :)


Peace!...with 2 fingers ;) said...

Wow!..Very nice post. Tell the story. keep up the awesome work & be sure 2 keep in touch.

Peace!...with 2 fingers;)

The Pink Growl said...

Lord knows I have these days too - maybe in a few years my 30's will bring me a better understanding of me too? Who knows! I will miss you and your inspiration!

Allyson Butler said...

This is a lovely post! I hope your break finds you refreshed and with lots of peace!

Kayla said...

I may be in my 20s but I am finding out who I am too. This entire year is just filled with things God has been revealing to me. It's a lot to take in but sooo worth it. I feel like I can finally be myself, for the most part. You are sooo awesome Julie, you are by far one of my favorite people and a really awesome friend! <3 you

Kelly said...

I am almost shaking Julie...this post is a mirror to my soul. This is ME Julie. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this. Or maybe I should be thanking God that he brought me here tonight. TOTAL GOD THiNG!

No(dot dot)el said...

I remember reading this post months ago and it is one of the reasons that I became a HUGE fan ;) I would like you twice if I could girl. Hang in there, I pray whatever Funk you are in will be short lived, but also well spent. I also pray God brings you peace, that surpasses understanding. Nothing But Love for you Julie.

TicoTina said...

yep, still like and relate to this post, just like the first time I read it =) love you, and hope you're having some great God time!

Lucy McCracken said...

I'm so honored and grateful to read this post! I've always loved and appreciated so much your honesty. you are just real and I love that. I pray that God will re-energize you and help you through what you're going through. I have many moments like this. You re amazing!

Brittany T. said...

oh julie, you are such a beautiful person and have a beautiful heart! I can SO relate to what you said here, "It's a good reminder that God created YOU to be YOU!" and about avoiding confrontation no matter how MUCH something or someone bothers fact, im struggling/dealing with that issue RIGHT NOW! your love notes from Jesus are so spot on and making me write so well and flowing. it's a universal message of truth, hope and love. HUGS! xo i know i was meant to read this.

luckyno7 said...

you are so cute! love your head wrap!
check out our blog, maybe we can follow each other? :)

luckyno7 said...

you are so cute! love your head wrap!
check out our blog, maybe we can follow each other? :)

Dawn said...

What a great post about being who God made you to be!! This topic is such a passionate one for me!! There is so much freedom in knowing who He has made us to be and doing what He made us to do!! Love this!!!!

Sierra said...

NEver feel like you don't want to write because you're afraid you will come out as "whiney" or "depressing." Just be you...we all have days, times, feeling down. Just be you. If it makes you feel any better, I always have emotional posts :)
Oh, Just Living the Dream

Maria said...

Sending love and prayers, Julie. Just keep being you - beautiful, funny, strong, and full of life!
I hope your weekend is wonderful!

Erin said...

Great post and wisdom here, girl. I resonate with what you're sharing - I feel like, being in my 20s, I'm still finding who I am. You're a great role model and I love how you share your heart so honestly! xo.

Allison Coomes said...

As always-just what I needed to hear! Thanks for sharing your struggles and reminding all of us of our Lord that brings us through them! Enjoy your break-excited to see what God's going to do when you come back-pretty sure it's big!

Bonnie said...

We all go through this at some point. It's difficult -- I'm going through it right now. I think I know who I am as a person, but I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know that I want to be happy. Sometimes, I have to remember not to get bogged down in all of my daily duties and make time for stuff I actually enjoy. Growing up is hard.
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

alex said...

You are pretty, I really like your blog and your style:)

Designed with ♥ by Nudge Media Design