Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Confessions Of A Mother

this is Prompt #2-Put a smile on My face for the Mommy Moments Photo Challenge

I never knew it was possible to love such small people, so incredibly much.
I never knew it was possible to go from feeling absolutely crazed out of your mind 
because of the crying, the whining, the tattling...
to being overwhelmed in love goo.
You're going to have to mop me up off the floor, 
because I am crazy in love.
Crazy I tell you.
After losing my first 2 babies, when Wesley (my first) was born, 
he was obviously my EVERYTHING!!
I was beyond thankful to have him here, alive, healthy...
He ABSOLUTELY completed me. 
There was NO WAY I would be able to ever love anyone as much
as I loved Wesley... How could I? Right?

When my daughter, Jada was born...she of course was all eyelashes...
and beauty...
and she was my first girl. 
I remember the first thing I said when my husband brought her to me
after my cesarian...
I said "Look at her eyelashes. She looks like a girl."
Wait, no, SHE completed me!
It is beyond fun, to play house with your daughter..
to dress her up, shop with her, fix her hair..
oh wait, I wasn't playing house.
 I was DOING life.
I couldn't believe this was MY life..
a boy, a girl.... perfect.

Who could ask for anything more?
and I was pretty sure that I couldnt.
When I found out I was pregnant with Leila,
I confess, I actually cried.
and they weren't tears of Joy.
I wasn't sure I wanted more kids...
and IF I did, I definitely did NOT feel ready yet.
But GOD had other plans..
well, that...and our shall we say...
failure to be responsible family planners? ;-)


oh...wait...thats me... today . ..tickling her foot..
at ALTERRA, the hip Milwaukee based coffeeshop, 
in which she became popular .
She made me tickle her feet while drinking my frappe.
that's ok...
because somehow SHE now completes me..
HOW is this possible?

side note:
(Last week I took a pic of her at Alterra. I posted it on Instagram and hashtagged it #alterra.
I got a tweet from Alterra asking if they could use it for their FB wall..
and they called it "the cutest Alterra fan in the world"
I knew she would be a celebrity!! haha..
here is her famous picture below..)

the cutest alterra fan in the world.
I don't know how it happens.
I don't get how you can love someone so much...
and then someone else comes along in your life..
so different...
but you can love them just as much?
The blonde hair and blue eyes captivate me, 
because neither myself, nor her dad have them...
When she smile, laughs, cries. whines...
whatever she is doing...
she has me wrapped around her finger little sweet nailpolished fingers.
I am so completely in love with this little person
that I once was so unsure of.
God knew what I needed in my life at that moment in time...
and it was Leila.
Leila is the diva princess of all divas..
She WILL NOT leave the house without a dress on..
and it usually has to be a Christmas or Easter get up.
(hence the Alterra christmas dress above)
She does NOT like when the wind blows her hair,
because "it's NOT pretty."
and she most certainly does not like when Mommy walks out of the house with 
pants and a t-shirt on...
she's pretty upfront about it with her "mom, you're not pretty."
It's ok though, because she has a plan.
Her plan is to drag me to MY closet and she picks out what is "appropriate"
for me to wear...
which includes one or ALL of these: a dress, pink, or ruffles..

this is PROMPT #6- Interesting View Point for the Mommy Moments Photo Challenge

Maybe it's because God knew at that time, I needed her...
so NOW I still need her just as badly.
or MAYBE it's because with my other 2 kids, I was a working mother...
and now I stay at home, so she is the only child 
that has ever spent her first 3 years with Mommy 24/7

or maybe it's just because she is my child...

but I confess...
I am in love.

I am so totally and completely 100% in love with all 3 of my kids.
It's just alot easier to take a million pics of her,
on a daily basis.
since we are together ALL the time.

i just had confess...
when she was throwing her tempter tantrum tonight about her tights being on,
and telling me "I can't stop crying. please make me happy"
in that moment, I wanted peace...
but in that moment I fell completely in love with her...
all of them...
all over again.
how is that possble?

ya know?

just sayin...

this is Prompt #3-Depth Of Field for the Mommy Moments Photo Challenge

the Photo A Day Mommy Moments Photo Challenge.


The Not Quite Military Wife said...

This is such a sweet post. You have so much love for your children and are an amazing mother! Love all the cute pictures!!

Melanie said...

OMGosh Julie... I am IN LOVE w/ your fab little blog! This is the sweetest best post I've had the pleasure of reading, AND I read a lot of sweet lovely posts! I just love how much your adore your babes, your love for God, & your family... it's a beautiful thing girl! Can I just say, you take a-mazing pictures! It's SO not about what camera you have, it's the heart behind the camera, & you have one pretty heart mama. I just got my "big girl camera" 3 months ago, but before that every pic in my blog was taken w/ my good ole Kodak point & shoot. Hahaa... sorry, I'm just mumbling away now!

Anywho... thanks a bunch for your kind words, so happy you found me, so I can now follow your RAD blog!!

Great Scott said...

Such a sweet post. I agree - it's crazy how you can be out of your mind one minute and heart cracking open with love the next. I have loved so many, so much but no one as much and as intensely as my child. Love the famous photo of your little cutie. What a doll! And, since you mentioned doing a self portrait on my blog, I have to mention that the first photo in this post would make a great selfie to submit. Just sayin! xoxo

Mama said said...

OMG she is too cute. I love the little foot picture.

Hi, I'm Jayda! said...

Beautiful post! And what a sweet little girl :)She's the second 'Jada' I've read about today! I used to feel like the only one with my name...I'm glad there are others now haha.

thecoffeehouse said...

ok, she could not be any cuter. absolutely not. and her in that crown and ginormous burger ... melts my heart. she is gorgeous.

Jami said...

I am always amazed at the amount of love that we can have for our kids. It's overwhelming. We planned on 2 kids and have 4, talk about "poor family planning"" lol
I wouldn't change a thing, obviously. I am beyond blessed.
You're kids are adorable!
Thanks for linking up ;)

ginanorma said...

Oh I'm somewhat anxious for you to see her into her teenage years, it's such an incredible will start to see her come into her own more and more and you will be so satisfied ya know...the way you described her and your feelings here, is exactly how I feel, isn't it such a crazy big love!?! And to think God loves us MORE than that?!?

Kelly said...

god sure does know just what we need.
this is the sweetest post ever!

andy brienne said...

This post is really cute. But that little girl is adorable. Kids like her make me want daughters to dress up!

Courtney B said...

What a PRECIOUS post! You are the sweetest mama!

Allison Coomes said...

Beautiful post! I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog...I am looking forward to being a frequent reader-God bless!

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