Word Web Vocabulary

Today it is the 11 year anniversary of the day we found out our baby girl, Naomi went to be with Jesus.  I was 18 weeks pregnant and got to hold her tiny body and see her tiny fingers and toes, ears and nose. Eleven years and 3 kids later,  it still brings me to tears when I think about the devastation we felt. And my heart goes out to any person who has every  lost a baby at any stage during or after pregnancy. It's  never easy and no one can really understand, even if they've been through it.   I wrote a little more about it last year HERE if you want to  read it...  I wrote this for Jeff on Fathers Day that year and wanted to share today...

Maybe you can relate...

Still Daddy's Little Girl 

A single tear streamed down your cheek

on that very happy day

the day Mommy told you the exciting news

that I was on the way

I couldn't wait to meet you

for a big kiss and maybe a twirl

Because I know that I could be rest assured

that I'd be Daddy's little girl

Remember on the special day

when you heard my heart beating so strong?

What you didn't know, Daddy, it was beating for you

The time we'd meet it wouldn't be long

I may have been so tiny

but Mommy, she felt my touch

I wanted you both to know

that I loved you so very much

Then one day I woke up

to only see colors so bright

Would it, would this be the day?

Would my daddy be holding me tonight?

Then came sweet Jesus, he picked me up

and cradled me in His arms

He told me that in this place called Heaven

to me would come no harm

He told me that it might be a little while

til my Daddy could give me a kiss

But on that wonderful day

I would live in eternal bliss

Daddy, I know you were sad

it felt like the end of the world

But, please Daddy, always remember

I'm still Daddy's little girl

I want you to know that I have your eyes

and Mommy's long dark brown hair

Mommy, she says you have a silly smile

But on my lips your same smile is always there

Daddy, you may never see my first step

or catch me when I fall

You may never take me to my first day of school

or my graduation at all

You may never walk me down the aisle

on my beautiful wedding day

or be there for me to hug

when I learn my own baby is on the way

Daddy, I don't know why we've been parted

But I love you so very much

I wish we could be together for just a moment

so my soft baby skin you could touch

But Daddy, I still have a big hug for you

I'm sending it down your way

Because I'll always be Daddy's little girl

So Daddy, Happy Father's Day...

Written for my husband on Fathers Day, 2002

I love you with all of my heart...

Hey guys! So I just got back from Disney this week. We had a blast. We spent 5 total days at Disney World. And I thought I'd givea few tips for parents about to embark on the whole Disney Experience with multiple kids. It can be a bit of a challenge if you have some kids that can and want to go on certain rides (and so do you) and one that can not go on a lot of them, so you...(and the other older kids) have to work with it.

First off, there is SO much to do at Disney World. I have been there several times. So I know the place pretty well. I know what to expect. I've been there as a single person, as a married person....

 I've been there once with a baby....once with a 2 and 4 year old....and this time we had a 4, 7 and 9 year old... Or the better way to say this is a 37 inch, a 45 inch and a 54 inch child. Obviously this is what matters when going on rides. And the personality and daredevil level of your kids (and you allowing your kids) to go on the big thrill rides.

 The great thing about Disney is that the vast majority of their attractions are "visual" rides, meaning any size person can go on them,because the excitement of the ride is in what you see. As opposed to the motion of the ride...So if you have a little one like we did (under 40 inches) there is still plenty to do for your family.

And I think there was only ONE ride that Jada could not go on, and that was the Aerosmith Rockin Rollercoaster. I think you had to be 48 inches for that one....but other than that, every other ride that we went on, she was able to go on. In that case, (or in the situation that you /and your older kids want to go on a ride that a smaller kid can not) a good idea to do is go get a fast past right away for that ride, that way you don't have to wait in a long line while that ONE kid waits around with you in a long line and they aren't even able to go on. Get a fast pass EVEN for the kid that is not able to go on.

Each Disney ticket you hold will allow you to get one fast past per ticket at a time. Once you use that fast past you can go get another fast past at another ride. It's free. It saves alot of time waiting for the "longer line" rides and in the meantime go hit up some of the rides with the shorter lines.... and if you get a fast past for the extra kid who can't even go on the ride, then the older kid will be double happy, because they can go ononce with mom, make the switch and go on again with dad.
If that makes any sense...

The unfortunate thing for us is that my son, Wesley had studied up on every single ride at Disney World. So he already had set in his mind what he wanted to do and he would not let up until he got his way. Which obviously meant all the faster thrill rides. So every time we went on a family ride, he would moan and complain...and then every time we waited in line for a thrill ride, he would try to back out because he got scared. After waiting in lines and using our fast pass opportunities on certain rides, that did not make me happy. He ended up only officially backing out of one ride. And that was the best ride on the planet: The Hollywood Tower Of Terror. Jada is smaller and younger...and she loved it. She went on that one twice... (thanks to our extra fast past we picked up for Leila)...Wesleys fast past just went to waste as he waited on the other side of the line until Jada & I got off... But the rest of the rides both our older kids LOVED, even if they were a little nervous at first, they got off laughing...

We didn't do any of the water parks because it was a lot of extra money to get a hopper and pay for water parks...plus it was actually a little chilly in the mornings and evenings for us so it worked out good. The days were in the 70's & 80's so it wasn't too hot! Yay. Jeff gets super grumpy when its too hot.

Day one we did Magic Kingdom. Day two was Epcot because it was supposed to rain and we knew there was alot to do indoors. Day three was Animal Kingdom. Day four was Hollywood Studios. Day five we went back to Magic Kingdom and spent the entire day there doing rides we missed the first day. It was absolutely magical... Haha. It really was. Magic Kingdom is probably the best and definitely has the most to do for a family.

My top 5 thrill rides (not for the littles under 40 inches) I say YOU MUST ride are:

1) Hollywood Tower of Terror-Hollywood Studios (Twilight zone Elevator drop-Jada was cracking up so hard!!)

2) Aerosmiths Rockin Roller Coaster-Hollywood Studios (coaster)

3) Soarin-Epcot Center (simulated flying over the earth) AMAZING!

4) Dinosaur-Animal Kingdom (fast pace ride while you are stuck with Dinosaurs coming after you)

4) Expedition Everest -Animal Kingdom (coaster with a Yeti chasing you)

All these tend to have LONG wait times, so these are the rides that you'd want to get fast passes for.

My top 5 family rides I say YOU MUST RIDE  with the littles are:

1) Pirates of the Carribean -Magic Kingdom (just because Pirates  **and johnny depp** are so cool)

2) Kilimanjaro Safaro -Animal Kingdom (an actual safari ride through the the territories of  live safari animals)

3) Toy Story-Hollywood Studios (its like you are in an arcade game! so so much fun)

4) The Little Mermaid-Magic Kingdom ( a slow paced musical  journey through the movie. So cute)

5) Peter Pan-Magic Kingdom (Flying through and above the sets of Peter Pan scenes)

All these tend to have REALLY long lines too, so fast passes might be good. However if you have to choose between fast passes

for the thrill rides and fast passes for the family rides (because really you are only able to get maybe 4-5 per day), I'd get them for the thrill rides. Only because, you can wait in a family ride line all together and all go on together....but if you make a little kid wait in a line with you for a thrill ride they can't go on, they probably won't be happy)

 My top 5 extras I say  you should do with kids:

1) A Bugs Life 4d show-Animal Kingdom (hilarious)

2) The Little Mermaid Stage Show -Hollywood Studios (magical)

3) Monsters Inc Comedy Show-Magic Kingdom (characters interact with audience)

4) Dance Party with Disney Characters in Tomorrowland -Magic Kingdom (kids have so much fun and are in awe, as they dance with random Disney characters to pop and club songs-haha)

5) Talking Turtle-Epcot Center (Crush from Nemo interacts with the kids and audience-super funny)

And of course standing in line to meet characters and watching various parades are fun too and great photo ops.

We also played a couple games that the kids have to go to the different lands and find clues and beat villians. 

Wesley LOVED that!!

So that's about all I got for you. Hope that helped a little if you are planning on making a Disney trip with kids soon! You're gonna have a blast!!

Oh one more thing. about the price of food and meals. You can plan on probably at least $35-$40 per meal. For us it was a family of five. The girl shared a kids meal. Wesley and I shared an adult meal. Jeff had his own. That was $40 right there. There is pretty much NO WAY to go out to your car and eat so don't even think about it. The parks are pretty far from the parking lot. And you have to take trams and monorails to get in. It would take too long anyways. It's not like Six Flags.Plus, think of any extras...ice cream, cotton candy, drinks, etc... You're at Disney World. So it's pretty hard to deny your kids all the fun extras! We probably spent about $75 a day on food. Then at our dinner late night outside of the park.

I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks while on vacation with my family about
 what matters most in life.

What do you want out of your life? What do I want? Am I willing to fight for it?

People say they love this person, or have this dream, or their family matters the most...

but how much are we willing to give? How much are we willing to sacrifice to have the

ultimate marriage? Does that mean we give up our own dreams at times to make someone

else happy? Well that depends. What is it that you want? Do you want a happy marriage?

Is your dream to have a happy marriage? Or is your dream something else? Are you sacrificing

your marriage for your dream? Or sacrificing your dream for your marriage or family?

Sometimes you have to give up one to make the other real. Sometimes all the things
we think we want  go hand in hand.
Sometimes we have to sacrifice the least for the greatest...

We all say that our family means more than anything. Then why do we tell our kids to leave us

alone? Why do we talk about our spouses negatively? Why do we not make time to spend with

our parents or siblings? Is it selfishness that makes us this way?

I've watched people sacrifice their own joy to try to fight for someone they love, to hold onto them,

whether it be their spouse, child, friend...and I've watch people say "enough is enough" and let go...

It's really for every single person to decide for themselves. And think hard about.

Do you want happiness doing what you want to do in the moment, accomplishing goals and pursuing dreams? Or do you want happiness in your marriage and family? Is it possible for both? Maybe one can wait for a few years until your kids are grown up or your marriage is strong?
Maybe sometimes that is not possible.

I don't know... Only you do for you, and I do for me.

YOU have to do what you have to do to make the marriage work. The dream come true.

The family be at peace. The business succeed.
I need to stop being so lazy about what I really want.  I've even prayed for God to restore the passion and romance back in my marriage. Does that mean I don't love my husband anymore?
No. It means I love him very much and I want to feel it more than I do day in and day out, after 16 years.

Does praying to ask God for the strength to put time and effort into my kids mean I don't 

love them? Because why should I have to pray for these things if I love them?

Shouldn't it just come naturally?

Not really. We are all human. And have these selfish attributes. Which clearly in the end,

don't really make us happy.

Is laziness really happiness? It feels like it sometimes. Where we can just sit back and watch life and our families as if we were watching a movie and never really put anything into it other than what we absolutely have to...
Will lack of effort help us? How it affect our future...or theirs?

Why is it that our selfish wants and desires never really make us happy. 

I think it's because we were born to serve others, to make others happy, to help others...

And in that, we then truly become happy.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm working on this. These past few weeks on vacation proved to me that I have

a lot of work to do with my kids. Particularly my son. A few months ago, he wast tested for autism.

Which he did not end up having. But tested high for "depression" and "stress." He is 9 years old.

It comes out in different forms in a 9 year old. In self depreciation. Hurtful remarks about himself,
that hurt me horribly to hear him say these things... In emotional outbursts, similar

to that of a 2 year old, which makes it obviously embarrassing in public and tiring for me.

Some days I don't feel like I have the energy to do it. I really don't. Should I stand my ground and 

let my kids have their way and never clean or help around the house? I know I shouldn't.

But it's so much easier than the constant battles. 

But what is it that I want?

I want my kids to grow up to be happy. To love themselves. To love me and Jeff. I don't want

them depressed. Or incompetent. And I never want to hear the words "I hate you" come out

of their mouth...So that means it's going to take work. I can't give up. And I need strength to do this.

I really need God's help and strength to fight through the battles we all face with our kids,
as they are younger and as they are older...

and our marriage 

and our dreams

I think the biggest part of my purpose lies in what I want most.
1) I want to have a passionate romantic marriage.

2) I want my kids to grow up happy and loving us and each other aand loving themselves and most of all loving their creator...

3) I want to write and blog
4) I want to be a blessing to my church
But I sense the need to focus on the  first two things first within my family before the others...

with God's strength of course...which in the end and in the beginning includes me wanting God involved in every area of everything I do and decision I make.
( I haven't always been the best at it. I've owned my fair share of selfishness)

I'm not exactly sure how to make everything perfect in my life. I don't think it will ever be that.

But I'm sure with hard work, sacrifices that I don't complain about... and better choices...

I can get close...
What about you?

You know how it is. You take 500 photos and out of those, you try to find ten that you want to show off. But I can't manage to squeeze it down to only ten. So I chose seventeen. For now. Vacation is far from done, but I'd thought I'd stop in with a photo update at the very least. We've been having lots of fun all week. There has been more complaining from the kids than I would have liked considering the amount of money we dropped on this trip. (Having three kids pays off during tax return season... it does anyways, but you know what I mean....
cha-ching).
Anyways, it's been so much fun taking the big kids on the big rides. I have felt bad for little Leila getting left out of so much, but making sure we cater to her a lot as well (these are the moments in which complaining from the other kids kicks in). Anyways, more updates later. I'm off to rub Wesley's legs. This isn't due to lots of walking. He just makes me do this every night whether he spends four days walking Disney or sits at the computer all night long.  Ahhhhh, the life of a mom.

P.S. I'm not completely up to date on whats going on, but from what I see, GFC/Google Reader will actually be obsolete in July.  Like for real this time??? Maybe?  If so, and if you are a reader of From Awkward To Art that uses GFC, stop by my BLOGLOVIN and follow me that way instead.  I mean, unless you already follow me on twitter or facebook. If you like reading my blog, just follow along, someway, somehow. I'm not picky!! Love you all!

You know that girl who split her pants? At Disney World? This week?

Sure you do...

And this is not a metaphor for something deeper.

Nor is it a tiny split. This is the real deal, people.

What the heck? Right? They were like the baggiest pair of shorts I've worn in years.

I'm in Florida today. At Disney World. 

Monday, I'm sitting down on a curb, while holding my sleeping daughter and I felt it happen.

Granted the angle at which the lower half of my body made its way down probably wasn't

my cutest move ever. But there was no need for complete humiliation. No, not like this.

Nevertheless, it happened. To me. I'm pretty sure it was Gods way of telling me to start my 

50 Shades of Stupid series again.

 Luckily it was beautiful out and I was able to use my sweatshirt to 

tie around my waist and cover it up. And luckily it happened right before we left the park.

Meh whatevs. I got myself a new skirt out of it.

And now we can call Monday... a success.

It's one of those seasons for me again. A season of change.
A season of a renewed expectation of God's

grace to cover me as I come to realize I can't do this alone, even though I've tried.

I go back and forth. I never really believe I can do life alone, without him.

But sometimes I sure act like it. I just do my own thing.
Try to make things happen my own stupid way.

Or I get lazy and try to make nothing happen at all.

Thinking eventual validation for my dumb choices will make it all work out. As if apathy will produce some sort of fruitful  result in my life. It never does. I wind up feeling lost and broken all over again. When will I learn?

Thinking you have it all together is a scary place to be in. It's that place where those big, serious mistakes are made.  I remember a very long time ago, a girl I knew said she didn't need Jesus because she was happy with the way her life was. I understand that line of thinking. Where we are comfortable with our life the way we have chosen to do things. We didn't need God to get this far, so why should anything change?

That's a scary place to be in. I think the biggest downfalls come to us in that frame of mind.

We don't need Him. We are doing just fine without him.

I hate those moments where I realize my stupidity and think that my faith in myself alone (or another person) is going to bring me some sort of lasting happiness. Yet, at the same time, I love those moments.
Because those are the moments that I sit alone. I bawl my eyes out.
I cry "Jesus, I need you." I am not just saying that.

I very seriously cry "Jesus, I need you.  Please, please help me."

 Because I don't know what else to do. I don't know where else that comfort will come from. 

I don't know who else to talk to. I don't know who else will listen. 

And mostly I don't know who else will heal me. Over and over and over again.

It is in those moments that He reminds me of His forgiveness. That He reminds me that His grace is all I need. And that HE will never leave me. Others may leave me. And true,  I may forsake Him.
But HE will NEVER leave. 

And it is His passion for me that is enough to make me fall in love with Him all over again.

Isn't that the kind of passion we all want? The kind we all crave? The kind that doesn't fade after 5 or 10 years?  The kind that doesn't walk away...

It's these moments of tears and rest and conversation that my belief in Him becomes more than that.

There are some days when I have the simple belief that I need the grace and mercy
and comfort and peace of Jesus. 

But then there are those days, those moments that happen in life where I actually crave it....

I crave it so desperately, because I don't know how to make life work,or make my day work...

or to make that moment of anguish pass unless He helps me.

I want to crave it more.

I want to rely on Him more and on me less. Not because I want moments of anguish.

But because I want moments of intimacy.

Adorable braid tutorial today. First time ever I have had a hair tutorail on my blog and I absolutely love it. 

Super easy and a fun way to spice up a boring day!!!

 Hey Guys! I'm so excited to be blogging over here at Julie's blog. I am Lauren from The Crafty Ginger, I am a Jesus Lover, Hairstylist & Zumba Instructor! Shopping is definitely my guilty pleasure. I love meeting other bloggers!   Feel free to stop by my blog!!!

I will be showing you a "hair-to" today on how to do a hippie braid. It's perfect for those days that your hair looks cute but a little boring.

All you need is a bobby pin! You will first grab a section of hair under the top layer. Braid that piece. Bring it over to the other side of your head & bobby pin it under the top layer. You're done & you have that hippie vibe!

 

The Crafty Ginger Blog | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram Details 

 

What a fun tutorial right... And super cute... Thanks so much to Lauren for filling in some of my 

blog break space with something so fun. Now get outta here you and go visit HER!

**i couldn't sleep. this is for any girl that has ever tried to find their value in the "eyes" of a man**

oh dear one, you try to break free from the prison you have built

you try to claw your way out, grasping for breath

your fingernails dirty, your brow creases with lines of confusion

lines of regret

oh dear girl, why cant you see you are worth so much more

than this object of momentary adoration

seeking approval in  the lusting eyes of that man

his glances, his thoughts, the touch of his stare

what is it you are looking for, when your skin you bare 

oh dear one, why can't you see that you are worth more than what he thinks

you're worth more than those tears that you drink

how is it that you keep seeking the love of  those

who value only what they can see

depth is deeper, love is stronger,  purpose is found in freedom

not slavery to the weak

you are more  i keep trying to tell you,

you are worth so much more than working to  please to be loved. 

you deserve to be loved unconditionally

oh be strong, dear one. you have love.

It is me.

blindfolded you follow him

yet you can clearly see.

handcuffed to your own mistakes. When will enough be enough?

I'm telling you now and I told you then. I bled for you, and I'd do it again.

To me, you are worth my own life. I took it for you.

Like Romeo and Juliet,  a tragic death

I told you I would never abandon you, even when you forsake me

there is nothing you could ever do (or not do) that would make me want to leave

That is what you are worth, you are my everything

oh dear one, you needn't only to be told "oh baby,  you deserve more"

because you deserve more than mere words of debt

To be clothed in the glory of strength and purpose

is more beautiful  than the nakedness of  regret

let your smile show the confidence of how much you cost

let your eyes sparkle finding all that's been lost

Genuine love will seek you, because you are worth being sought

oh dear girl, the key to your heart 

isn't found in the baring of your body or skin

its treasured in the liberty of letting love win

This knot in your stomach, this burden you carry, this shame you live with 

 every single day and every night

let it go. let it go. let it go.

Let HIS love engulf you and comfort your aching soul

or at least I like to think so...

 Hey guys...gals...beauties of all kind. I'm Julie. I'm saying that, assuming that I am not yet so influential that you

already know who I am, but that you want to learn who I am, because you are here thanks to the AMAZING 

Influence Network! I attended the Influence Conference last year and was blown away by the Jesus portrayed in

so many different avenues by so many creative minds and desperate hearts for Jesus.

I am forever thankful to these amazing ladies heading this network up and  they have so inspired me to be

INTENTIONAL with my blog and my life for that matter. I still write my style, my life, my thoughts...

but those moments when I want to shrink

away from blog world or from life in general, I remember, it's not always about what I want. It's not always a choice.

My life, my gifts, my words were given for a purpose. It's not mine to say what and when and why.

But it's up to the one who created them and created me.

And as far as the network goes, honestly  I have yet to make a lot of use of the resources available online, but that

word "intentional" will stick with me as long as I live. Thanks to the first ever Influence Conference!

I am not 100% I am going in 2013, but I am hoping to. There are a few circumstances and decisions in my life being

processed so we will see how it all plays out over the next 3-4 months. But I DO hope to see you there.

A few other random things about me:

I think in poetry form. Seriously. When a topic of discussion that I have had or want to have or write about is heavy on

my mind, my brain starts forming poems. Not the deep rants of a forlorn artist, but more like that childish rhyming wisdom

of a Dr.  Suess Book. I'm weird (and cool) like that.

I currently run 7 facebook accounts. My personal one, which comes and goes as I get annoyed with people or myself.

My blog fb. Our Church fb. Our Youth Ministry fb. Our Womens Ministry fb. Our Youth Conference fb.

And I also oversee my son's facebook.

I also have SEVEN kids between the ages of two and nine come in and out of my house every week, sometimes all at the same time. 

My own three kids. Two of them are in school. My four year old stays home with me. 

We have another five yr old & eight yr old that come over before and after school on select days. And I have another four year old that comes over after school one day a week. And a two year old that I watch two full days a week. 

 During the summer, this of course multiplies as none of the school kids are IN school, but AT MY HOUSE!

So, yes there are days when I have SEVEN kids at a time. This does not include when my kids just want to have friends over just for fun.

Like they did last Sunday.

This explains why my house is never clean.

This (the SEVEN  facebooks and SEVEN kids) also explains why I haven't made much use of the Influence Network.

 Blogging in itself is about all the online time I can manage...and even that's been a little sketchy lately.

So, enough about me. What's your story?

*linking up with the INFLUENCE BLOG*

Right now, I am sitting in a hotel in Oklahoma. With my mom and dad. After 13 hours, I'm exhausted.
 

I realize as of the last month I haven't been the best bloggy friend you could ever have. As most of

you know, I spent all of February working hard raising money for the Mocha Club, helping
Women At Risk who are stuck in the sex trade industry due to fear, poverty and lack of opportunity.

My goal was $800 which would help completely rehabilitate TWO women. Well, we have far exceeded that goal and were able to help THREE women because we reached $1248.
 

The experience had me in tears at several points, not because I was discouraged, but because I was 

encouraged by the people who stepped up to plate and whose heart connected with mine in this effort.

I will say this. 95% of the people who stepped up were not family members or close friends, which

surprised me in a way, yet moved me also that I didn't have to rely on them. I was able to do this with

the help of people I have only met once or twice, a few church friends, people that I only know through blogging, people I haven't seen in 20 years and a few complete strangers walking up to me or emailing me after hearing about what I was doing and donating money. I know now that it was people whose heart connected with this specific cause. And that's ok. Every person is different. With different passions. 

This was mine. And it reached some of you and I want to thank you.

Needless to say, I have not been on my best blog behavior. Because my focus has been elsewhere 

all month. But that's ok, right? Sometimes we have things we have to do. I've tried to keep up,

but it's nearly impossible sometimes. I hate to say it, but my bad blogger rep is going to have to 

continue for another month. Like I said, I am on the road right now and the day after I get back from 

Oklahoma, I will be leaving again for awhile.

I was originally going to disclose all the deets of my busy month, but I decided against it for now.
Anyways, we have a few other plans up our sleeve this month which I am pretty stoked about!

It's just crazy busy.

There is just so much other stuff going on right now. If you are the praying kind, please keep

 my family in your prayers. I really appreciate it. Love you all...

P.S. I am guest posting today over at bouffe e bambini on MY MESSY LIFE while Hanna
takes a bit of a baby break! Congrats to her and her new little Tosh!
I'd love if you stopped by there!

I am sharing my heart today over at Grace For Gayle and Dreams Ignite as they continue

their Monday Makeup series. The series pertains to different areas of make-up and beauty,

including inner beauty. I wrote a little bit about Beautiful Lips and how I believe true beauty is 

reflected in what comes out of your lips...not just what you wear on them.

I'd love for you to stop by one of their blogs...